On Getting Kicked Out of a Facebook Cheesemaking Group

When I first started making cheese, I was thrilled to discover a couple cheesemaking facebook groups where thousands of people gathered to ask questions, show off homemade cheeses, and share advice. I thought it was wonderful. I mean, it was wonderful . . . until it wasn’t.

Unfortunately, some of those groups turned out to be – how shall I put it? – close-minded, riddled with paranoia, and fear-based. The administrators thwarted intelligent discussion and debate by turning off comments on posts showcasing cheeses that they didn’t deem safe (based on their criteria), and they similarly silenced dialogue regarding genuine concerns about sanitation and cheesemaking safety. Or dialogue about anything they disagreed with, really.

I began to notice that the more time I spent on those pages, the more insecure I felt about my own cheesemaking. My cheeses often looked like the cheeses they advised against eating, and the more I witnessed their rampant cheese condemnation, the worse I felt about the cheeses I was making. I contemplated leaving the group, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to sever ties entirely – the group did boast an enormous wealth of cheesemaking advice. Eventually, I ended up compromising by muting the group for 30 days at a time whenever I needed a break.

But then someone shared a photo of a gorgeous Derby cheddar they’d made following my recipe on one of the touchy facebook groups, and they thoughtfully gave me credit, and, well, one of the admins then told him that they didn’t approve of my channel (kettles on the kitchen floor and funky smelling cloths and insufficient culture were some of the examples cited). I was surprised and a little aggrieved (because I hadn’t done anything that went against community guidelines), but also a little bit entertained because ooo, drama!. But then a day or so later the group was gone from my feed — I’d been booted off. Humph.

I debated sharing this story. I don’t want to add fuel to a fire, and I definitely don’t want to get mired down by pettiness. But then I realized there’s a bigger issue at play here and it deserves to be talked about, and it is this: Do Not Underestimate the Value of Good Mentors. (I’m talking about cheesemaking mentors here, but this applies to any kind of mentor, really.)

See, that Facebook group claims to be a cheesemaking community that encourages people to make cheese – they want to (and often do, I suppose) mentor new cheesemakers – but there is a disconnect between what they are saying and what they are doing. How do I know this? Because of how they made me feel.

Here’s how you know you have a good mentor: you will feel emboldened, inspired, challenged, creative, and curious. You will find yourself taking risks and giggling happily over new discoveries. You’ll develop an increased ability for uncertainty and discomfort. Failure will start to feel like a stepping stone to deeper understanding. You will want to keep doing the thing you are doing.

If you don’t feel this way – if you find that your creative energy is diminishing and your self-doubt rising, and if, especially if, you find that your mentor makes you feel inferior – move on. Learning a new skill is hard, vulnerable work. In order to open yourself up to learning, it’s imperative that you feel supported enough to take big risks, fail extravagantly, and then get back up and keep going.

So to sum it all up, guard your creativity and your mental health, friends! Go out of your way to find good mentors. You, and the cheeses you make, are worth it!

P.S. Since getting booted off that Facebook group, I’ve found a number of other facebook groups that are genuinely supportive, inclusive, curious, open-minded, and absolutely chock full of skilled cheesemakers. Two of my favorites are Cheesemaking at Home and Homestead Cheesemakers.